i never liked this about myself

I never liked this about myself…

That when I was a child (and even on occasion now), if I was the focus of attention my mouth would clamp shut, all words would leave me, my heart would race and my face would go the brightest shade of red….

Kids especially, would laugh at my embarrassment. I would just wish for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

Communication and the ability to express my thoughts, feelings and knowledge is not something that comes naturally to me.

It has taken a lot of inner work and forcing myself out of my comfort zone MANY TIMES OVER to become a fairly confident adult that will speak in public so that I can share what I love and feel so passionately about. 

I was born with a quiet nature and was a very shy, sensitive child.

My school years were very challenging.
Criticism from teachers and being bullied by other kids made my life miserable.

I was keen to just fade into the background of everything, desperate to avoid further humiliation.

I decided that life was safer when you couldn’t be seen or heard.

Safe as it may have seemed, it didn’t really make life enjoyable!

I got fired from my first job in a hairdressers for being TOO SHY! 

Relationships were disastrous as I couldn’t express my feelings and thoughts which would lead to misunderstandings and resentment.

I couldn’t express myself creatively as I was fearful of my writing/ art/ singing being judged.

Life was not really that much fun this way. So I knew I had to change.

That change is a work in progress but I’ve definitely become more confident and live a much happier life as a result.

I worked with a variety of professionals who helped in various ways over the years- counsellor, vocal coaches and spiritual facilitators.

It’s an on-going self care practice!

I believe it is so important to be able to express ourselves in a way that is loving and kind to ourselves and those around us.

It just doesn’t necessarily come as easily as we think it should.

Does this resonate with you?

I share this now from my heart to yours.♥️

Bodhini x