Is it really a lack of self worth or are you just kind?
A few years ago I took part in a group business coaching program. In the first session we were asked how much we wanted to earn per year. I was asked to answer first.
I replied with £40,000 per year. Seemed reasonable to me.
However, my answer was met with looks of horror… and the rest of the group continued to give answers between £100,000 and one million pounds.
Now, I don’t know their reasons for coming up with those sums. I do not know their personal financial circumstances or motivation but I had based my figure on:
My cost of living at the time. Wanting additional funds for pursuing my interests, further learning and having fun etc and also ideally having enough to be able to regularly give to charitable causes that are important to me.
For me, this is good and it is enough….. yet I was publicly humiliated for saying so.
APPARENTLY, by not wanting to earn as much as the others I was told that I had low self worth and little self respect.
Just for context, my life is a simple one. I have never been driven or excited by the material things in life. I love freedom of space and being outdoors. I loathe clutter and consumerism. I live in a small flat with no TV and drive an old car that I will likely keep till it goes to automobile heaven. My daughter is an adult who has already left home and so my outgoings are not necessarily as high as other 43 year old with kids at home and stuff to maintain.
So I had based my sum on the reality of my life and that sum was the baseline that I had hoped to achieve, not the maximum. Of course, I was open to earning more, I might be practical but I’m not daft.
I would not cut my potential to earn off unless I deem it unethical to earn in a certain way… and here is where the coaching took its next dismal turn.
We were asked to create high ticket packages to sell to our apparently affluent avatars… (don’t even get me started on the dehumanising of people by reducing them to the label of avatar - ew!)
Who do you think created the lowest price, high ticket package?
Yes, that would be me again. LOL
To make it clear, I do not do this work just to serve the affluent in our society.
AND just because someone is wealthy, doesn’t mean that I should pursue them just to extract from them but this is what we were being encouraged to do.
What some business coaches seem to forget is that this is about providing a service to human beings.
People are not just stats or numbers to drive into a funnel and flog to.
I stated that I wanted my offerings to be affordable and accessible but again was told that my lack of self worth was talking….. and at the time I wondered if it was true? It can be hard not to doubt yourself when a room of people are looking at you in disgust and pity as if you are the runt of the smug coaches protege litter.
Now for the record, I am not saying people should not charge high prices or love the material things in life.
We are all here on unique journeys to find meaning and fulfilment in a variety of ways.
I have to be true to myself and what I value in life and making vast amounts of money at any cost regardless of if it is right or ethical just is not my way of doing business.
Of course, we all have bills to pay and the cost of living is the highest it has ever been which has impacted many businesses including my own.
So we do need to make sure that we are charging accordingly so as not to go out of business. It is difficult to be in service to others if you are constantly stressed about your financial & material insecurity.
BUT do NOT be made to feel bad about wanting your services to be affordable and accessible.
Your values and kindness are not a self worth issue.
Coaches who tell you otherwise?…. Well, quite frankly they can fuck off.
A good business coach can teach you how to be in business without leaving you feeling like a worthless sellout.
What was very disheartening about this experience is that the coach claimed to be spiritual and working for the greater good. Yet they were spouting toxic teachings that couldn’t be more capitalist, patriarchal and colonial if they tried.
Harmful and manipulative? Yes. Spiritual? Definitely not.
As far as these kind of coaches are concerned, your energy, your mind set, your issues will always be to blame and there will conveniently be another coaching package for you to buy to sort that out.
But how about you are enough as you are? You are just a kind person and you are not self sabotaging your business just because you care about people.
And how much is enough? What do you really need? Will enough ever really be enough?
At what point do we stop reaching for more? Will we ever stop?
How much of what we perceive to be “wrong” with us is actually just centuries of colonial,patriachal and capitalist conditioning?
And we just know that we want something better for the future? We don’t want to keep perpetuating those old toxic, dehumanising ways of doing business.
If that sounds like you. I hear you. I see you. Be strong and stand your ground. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are “doing it wrong”.
Nothing that is meant for you will pass you by. You got this.
We got this.
In love with your kind spirit
Bodhini
